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China Needs Sex Toy 101

18 police officers, firefighters, rescue crews and over 1,000 spectators crowded a local river in the Chinese province of Shandong when the call was put out there was a drowning woman in the river.

For 40 minutes rescuers attempted and struggled to bring the body ashore, with the water being turbulent and the crowd was getting panicky.  Finally after all that time what was thought to be a person in unknown condition, turned out to be a deflated, life sized sex doll.  The crowd that had gathered to watch the rescue reportedly “cover their children’s eyes and just walked away” after realizing it wasn’t a person at all.

And apparently China is big on misidentifying discarded sex toys as last month when villagers found a mushroom/fungus shaped object that had been unearthed when drilling for a nearby well had begun.  The residents not knowing what specicis of mushroom it was took it to a local TV station to see if they could help find someone identify the plant. But when the Sunday morning show aired the segment showing off the mystery ‘shroom – described by one villagers as, “This looks like a type of fungus with mushroom heads on both ends. On this side, you can see what look like a pair of lips and on the other side it has a small hole that goes through to the other end” – it turns out it wasn’t a plant, mushroom or living object at all.  It was, duh, a discarded masturbation toy.

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A Rather Humiliating ER Visit

A 69 year old British man had the most terrible reason to seek medical help.  He had a ring like, sex toy stuck to his junk and it took over 36 hours to get it off.

The fit of the device was so tight that he couldn’t remove it and after getting to the hospital, surgeons couldn’t even remove it so the emergency crews were called in and the man was forced to sign waivers to acknowledge the dangers of what they were about to perform on him.  The firefighting crew, asked to do something that was unlikely in any of their extensive training used a four inch angle grinder to make their first attempt.

That didn’t work, so an air cut-off tool, which normally is used in car wrecks, was finally successful – after an hour – in removing the sexual aid.  The man has been released from the hospital and his name hasn’t been released, but he was given a subscription for a “cooling cream”.  (peet: isn’t that how all of this probably got started?)

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You Never Want to See Your Parents Doing This

If you think walking in on your parents ‘doing it’ is embarrassing, imagine turning on the TV and seeing them on a show about swingers and dressed up with sex toys in hand.

That is what happened to a 15 year old German girl when she flipped the channel to a show and saw her mom dressed in stockings and suspenders, in a cage, and her father wearing a Batman costume with a dildo in his hand.  The couple sued for compensation for pain and suffering they faced from the embarrassing revelation.

The couple had been told their faces would be obscured from any broadcast, and the production company admitted their failure to pixilate their faces was an oversight, and a mistake.  The judge sympathized with their embarrassing situation, he refused to give the couple the large amount of money in damages they were requesting because they had voluntarily gone to the club and agreed to be filmed on camera.

After the judge decided that all he could grant them was a few hundred dollars for appearing on the show and to cover legal costs, the couple decided not to appeal because any further action would have required their daughter to testify.

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Stolen Credit Cards & Sex Toys

Sarah Monroe

The very lovely Sarah A Monroe or Morris, IL just needed to buy some ‘self-love’ utility devices.

So, she mugged a woman outside a bar by driving up to a woman and asking for a light.  When the woman bent over and leaned into Monroe’s car to do so, Monroe grabbed her purse and drove away – dragging the victim a few yards.  The victim received a few minor injuries, like a chipped tooth, but her credit cards were in her purse.

Monroe then proceeded to purchase some gas for her getaway car, and the surveillance video from that purchase helped police track Monroe down.

When they caught up to her, in a different car, they found two crack pipes and she’d admitted to attempting to purchase not one, but two sex toys at an area adult bookstore only to find out the credit cards had been denied.

Monroe’s defense?  She claims that when the woman leaned into the car for the light, she thought she was going to be robbed and drove off and the credit cards “fell into my car”.

via  Morris Daily Herald  and Suntimes

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Sex Toy + Butt x Surprise = Wife Beating

Hugo Alquicira is a man who simply didn’t want anything in his butt.  Is that so much to ask?

But burning your wife with an iron in retaliation isn’t the right way to react to such a surprise.  But that is what Hugo has been accused of doing and was charged with aggravated assault on his wife, Maria Isabel Puente.

The story, it seems, is that he became enraged after she penetrated his backdoor with a sex toy, assumably without his knowledge.  He admits pushing her, but denies the burns and bruises are from his use of an iron, but from her falling from holding onto his car in a fight the previous night.  The problem is that his own kids testified they saw him with the iron, and he threatened to kill them if they talked to police.

Now if, in fact, Maria did shove something in his butt without his prior consent, is that a sexual assault?  Hmm.  Legal experts, where are you?  But from the mug shot to the right, he still looks pissed, and as someone that also doesn’t want something entering what I think is “exit only”, I understand.

via The Statesman.com

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