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Its Called a “Love Seat” For Good Reason

Gerard P. Streator was arrested late last week on the very odd charge that he had been seen, in public, having sex with a discarded couch.  Yes, you just read that.

Streator, 46, (right) was spotted by an off-duty police man late one night earlier in the month.  He described Streator as, “a subject leaning over the couch facing down and it looked like he was having sexual relations with someone on the couch.” Additionally, the cop noted that he “could see the male’s hips thrusting up and down on the couch.”  The officer approached Streator and his couch and inquired as to what was going on.  Streator allegedly pulled away from the couch, got up and ran off but not before the officer, as he noted in his report spotted that he, “could see that the defendant’s penis was erect.”

The officer’s report also includes the disturbing amount of details like, Streator, “had been thrusting his pelvic area against the cushions and trying to sexually gratify himself by rubbing his penis between the two cushions.”  Remember, this was an old couch, discarded on the side of the road.  Not a overly stuffed, purple velour sofa you’d see on a furniture showroom floor, or at Prince’s house.

Streator was followed to a nearby apartment building where he was able to lock out the officer following him.  Later police interview Streator’s wife who claimed that he had been with her that night, but he was later arrested and charged with a misdemeanor criminal complaint and will have a hearing in the coming days.

 

 

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China Needs Sex Toy 101

18 police officers, firefighters, rescue crews and over 1,000 spectators crowded a local river in the Chinese province of Shandong when the call was put out there was a drowning woman in the river.

For 40 minutes rescuers attempted and struggled to bring the body ashore, with the water being turbulent and the crowd was getting panicky.  Finally after all that time what was thought to be a person in unknown condition, turned out to be a deflated, life sized sex doll.  The crowd that had gathered to watch the rescue reportedly “cover their children’s eyes and just walked away” after realizing it wasn’t a person at all.

And apparently China is big on misidentifying discarded sex toys as last month when villagers found a mushroom/fungus shaped object that had been unearthed when drilling for a nearby well had begun.  The residents not knowing what specicis of mushroom it was took it to a local TV station to see if they could help find someone identify the plant. But when the Sunday morning show aired the segment showing off the mystery ‘shroom – described by one villagers as, “This looks like a type of fungus with mushroom heads on both ends. On this side, you can see what look like a pair of lips and on the other side it has a small hole that goes through to the other end” – it turns out it wasn’t a plant, mushroom or living object at all.  It was, duh, a discarded masturbation toy.

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Death During 3Way = $3Million Suit

This story out of Atlanta is a great example of just why the costs of medical care have exceeded any realities of the American family.  A 31 year old Atlanta police officer died back in 2009 while he was participating in “three-way sex” with another man and a woman who was not his wife.  The trio were at a hotel near the airport and during the vigorous session the man had a heart attack.

This week a jury decided that the wife of that man, William Martinez, should receive $3 million from the man’s doctor for failing to diagnose his atheroschlerotic coronary artery disease and warning the man to avoid strenuous activities – like illicit sex gymnastics, or running to chase a criminal during his work as a police officer.  Martinez’s family claims that the doctor’s failure to properly treat and inform him of his condition was 60% at fault in his death.  The other 40% the jury decided was Martinez’s fault.

The doctor will appeal the decision.

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Literally, He’s a “Beat” Cop

Mike Eiskant is now a former police man, and one totally creepy dude.

When you watch the news report video below (and you must watch it), you’ll find out all about the story of Eiskant being caught, via his car’s dash cam, masturbating inside his squad car.  But we also know now that Eiskant was considered by many to be a “creeper” with a history of harassing women.

In the video, which really is only audio, you can hear Eiskant talking sweet nothings to himself as he is apparently looking at some porn on his cell, or simply conjuring up erotic imagery in his mind.  You can not only hear him talking (“Oh, show me those big beautiful breasts, baby.”) and making some odd sexual noises, but the sound of his zipper can also be heard quite clearly.

Fellow officers aren’t surprised and there are reports that others attempted to file changes against him in years past, but nothing ever came of it and in fact Eiskant was promoted to the rank of sergeant.  When that happened he was issued the badge number “69”.

Eiskant settled with a no contest plea on several different issues that will ensure he never is a police officer anywhere, ever again.  The no contest pleas were for two counts of attempt to commit a felony for false imprisonment, one count of stalking, two counts of harassment and charges for larceny and possession of marijuana. The criminal complaint details that seven of the charges happened in 2011 and plenty of them involved women in traffic stops.

 

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Happy To See Me or Drugs Tied to Your Ween?

Ray Woods is a drug dealer with a very suspicious method of transporting his inventory.

Woods was pulled over for a routine traffic violation last Friday night when the police officer found marijuna in the car.  While putting Woods into the back of the cruiser the officer noticed a “large bulge” in the front of Woods pants.  Denying that he had anything in his pants, the officer had to do a search once back at the station.

There the officer discovered that Woods had surprisingly tied a large plastic bag with 89 smaller bags of what looked to be both heroin and cocaine, and as he untied the bag Woods began to urinate all over everything and everyone.  The police officer, Christopher Eiserman was pretty stunned to have seen something different on his beat,

“In 14 years, I’ve seen it down their pants, in their ass, but I’ve never seen it tied to their penis,” he said. “I couldn’t believe it. I guess they figure the police officers aren’t going to check down in that area.”

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Sex in Squad Car Caught on Tape

Memphis police officer Dion Anthony needs to prepare for the world to know what he sounds like having sex.

…on duty…

…in his squad car…

Monday night the sounds of Anthony’s love making were accidentally caught on the department’s radio system because anytime a communication device is activated, it is recorded.  While having sex with an unidentified person in his squad car, somehow one of two devices were pressed.  Either his shoulder mic, or the console mic.  Either way it is an “inappropriate radio communication”.  Reports are that 30 other cops listened to the broadcast live.

Anthony was fired Tuesday as the department investigates, but at some point the audio will be released to the public.  (peet: And a porno version will be created and released shortly thereafter.)

Cop Caught Having Sex in Squad Car: MyFoxMEMPHIS.com

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Cop Issues Ticket, Asks For Date

Chicago suburb policeman, Chris Collins, is being accused of using his position to gain access to a woman’s information so that he could ask her on a date.

Collins gave Evangelina Paredes a ticket back on Oct. 22, but then later allegedly used the ticket to do some record searching to find out her home address.  He then went there and left her a note on her car asking her on a date.

“It’s Chris … that ugly bald Stickney cop who gave you that ticket…I know this may seem crazy and you’re probably right, but truth is I have not stopped thinking about you since,” it continues. “I don’t expect a girl as attractive as you to … even go for a guy like me, but I’m taking a shot anyways.”

Ms Paredes did not find the note romantic, funny or remotely inviting.  She is suing Collins, the police chief and the village of Stickney where Collins is employed and accuses Collins of, “authority and position as a police officer not to protect the public, but to attempt to manipulate the plaintiff into going out on a date with him.”

 

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Monopoly Stabbing

Laura Chavez is 60, lives in New Mexico and is really serious about her Monopoly.

She’s now in jail on aggravated battery on both a household member and a police officer after being arrested for allegedly stabbing her boyfriend over a game of Monopoly.

Story goes that in the middle of the game she accused Clyde “Butch” Smith of cheating, grabbed a kitchen knife, passed Go, and stabbed him multiple times.  She also hit him with a wine bottle.  Officers arrived to find her out on the porch, covered in blood and when asked if the blood was Smith’s her answer was.

“Yes, I fucked him up”

via Smoking Gun

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