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She’s A Ball Buster, Literally

Joyce Maxine Gregory, 35, is an enemy of man.

She is charged with what is maybe the single most awful crime a woman can commit:  “malicious castration”.

Gregory was arrested after getting into an argument with an older man on Saturday morning.  The man decided he’d had enough and went outside to call 911.  Gregory followed him outside and stopped him from calling by grabbing the man’s scrotum.  Gregory squeezed the man’s gentiles so hard she actually burst his scroctum, causing one of his testicles to “pop out”.  The police report stated,  that the victim’s “scrotum had been split open,” adding that, “I was also able to observe one of the subject’s testicles protruding from the scrotum area.”  Police also observed “blood on the floor of the porch and the siding of the residence.”

Gregory didn’t end her terror reign there, once arrested she removed her pants and urinated all over the back seat of the patrol car.  She is being held on$20,000 bond on that charge of malicious castration and additionally assault inflicting serious bodily injury.

The victim reportedly will be fine, in the long run, after doctors were able to place the testicle back in place and sew up the injury.

‘I told you I had to go, you stupid cop’

19 year old Dylan DiFalco has a pretty good story to tell all of his future legit and illegitimate children.

He pee’d in a cop car.  Arrested in a Naples bar (yes, It Happened in Florida) for tripping a bus boy who was chasing a friend of DiFalco’s for failing to pay a bar tab, he was placed in the patrol car and warned the cop he needed to go tot he bathroom.  “Hold it like an adult” was what the teen was told, but he was unable and ended up peeing all over himself and the backseat of the car.

DiFalco’s explanation?  ‘I told you I had to go, you stupid cop.’

The busboy was unharmed, but DiFalco was arrested and charged with misdemeanor battery and released on $2000 bond.  He wasn’t charged for pee’ing in the car.

Literally, He’s a “Beat” Cop

Mike Eiskant is now a former police man, and one totally creepy dude.

When you watch the news report video below (and you must watch it), you’ll find out all about the story of Eiskant being caught, via his car’s dash cam, masturbating inside his squad car.  But we also know now that Eiskant was considered by many to be a “creeper” with a history of harassing women.

In the video, which really is only audio, you can hear Eiskant talking sweet nothings to himself as he is apparently looking at some porn on his cell, or simply conjuring up erotic imagery in his mind.  You can not only hear him talking (“Oh, show me those big beautiful breasts, baby.”) and making some odd sexual noises, but the sound of his zipper can also be heard quite clearly.

Fellow officers aren’t surprised and there are reports that others attempted to file changes against him in years past, but nothing ever came of it and in fact Eiskant was promoted to the rank of sergeant.  When that happened he was issued the badge number “69”.

Eiskant settled with a no contest plea on several different issues that will ensure he never is a police officer anywhere, ever again.  The no contest pleas were for two counts of attempt to commit a felony for false imprisonment, one count of stalking, two counts of harassment and charges for larceny and possession of marijuana. The criminal complaint details that seven of the charges happened in 2011 and plenty of them involved women in traffic stops.

 

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Do Not Leave Butt Plug In Cop Car

…or anywhere for that matter…

41 year old Kevin Braunn was drunk last Friday when his car rear-ended another car while driving at 11:15 in the morning.  Police reported that he smelled of booze, had glassy eyes, slurred speech, urinated on himself and failed field sobriety tests.  He was arrested for drunk driving, but his day wasn’t over.

On the way to jail Braunn soiled himself, and even worse, left a butt plug behind in the car that he pulled out during the ride.  From the police report:

“The defendant had a sexual anus plug in his rectum, which he removed, or it fell out in the rear of my patrol car.”

Braunn was so drunk that police first took him to the hospital where his blood-alcohol was tested twice.  Both tests came back at an amazing .409 and .412, more than five times the limit.  His bond was set at $750.

And yes, It Happened in Florida.

via TCPalm.com 

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What An Odd Time & Place to Perform This Act

(also titled: “…But this Happened in Texas)

Police were called to a Whataburger in Porter, Texas about a man passed out at one of the tables.  When they arrived they found Howard Keith Windham trying to wake up the man by slapping him. In the course of talking to Windham, a female, Tina Marie Arie was also spoken to by cops and it was found that she had given the asleep man some of the pills that caused the man’s sleepy state, and were also part of a stash found on Windham and later in her car.

But that part of the story is boring.  It’s what happened on the way to jail that is special.

Windham and Arie were both placed in the back seat of the same police cruiser.  The officer driving noticed on way to the jail that behind him there were some odd movements in the rear-view mirror.  He then noticed he couldn’t see Arie any longer.

He called out to her and she replied that she was just tired and laid her head down in Windham’s lap.  Well, she wasn’t totally lying.

The cop pulled over and discovered that Arie was preforming oral on Windham.  Yes, despite both being handcuff, they somehow managed to get his pants unzipped and dropped so that as detailed in the police report, “Arie was servicing his exposed genitalia.”

Bravo.  BRA – VO!!!

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