Almost The Greatest Escape. Ever.

Police in Brunswick, Maine were called out to a local disc golf course with reports of a naked man causing a disturbance.  Not only was he sans clothing, but he also was tipping over trash cans, messing with the disc goals as people were trying to play and he was also rolling around in the mud.

When police arrived they initially could not find the man, but they did find a backpack with clothing inside.  Search dogs were brought to the scene where they picked up the scent of the man and began to hunt for him.  He was eventually was found, most disturbingly (but you have to give him credit for the effort), inside and under a port-a-potty.  The man had climbed down into the waste area and was hiding out.  Authorities were eventually able to get him out and cuff him.  He was hosed down and taken to a nearby hospital.

via Bangor Daily News

It Happened In Florida

James Hines is a 61 year old Jacksonville, FL man that simply wants respect…

…even if that means he has to run people over with a golf cart to get it.

Saturday at the Jacksonville Beach Muninicpal Golf Course a bachelor’s party was in full swing.  Donald Salsbery and five of his friends were playing a round of golf to celebrate his upcoming May 5th wedding.  Some in the group had never played and he admits they were taking their time and not proceeding very fast through the course.  He claims none of the party was intoxicated, but there are charges that the group was disrespecting the course’s rules by taking too much time and driving on the greens with their carts.  Hines frustrated at this, yelled to the group that they needed “to respect your elders!”

It seems that by the 18th green Hines had just about enough and began to hit balls at the party from about 200 yards away.  One of the balls was thrown back at Hines who then got into his cart and began driving straight at the group.  Hines reportedly ran over one man, and pinned a second against another car after running into him.  Hines then reportedly hit another man with a club before what sounds like a mexican standoff of people all standing with clubs in hand – threatening to beat one another before police arrived to settle the scene.

Hines was arrested and charged with aggravated battery with a deadly weapon.

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Golf Course Death Match

At a posh golf course outside of Ft. Worth, TX 48 year old Clay Carpenter is recovering from an altercation that almost cost him his life and still may cost him a leg.

Over the weekend Carpenter was part of a threesome that was behind a foursome that was going slow, and the course marshal had instructed the faster group to play through.

When the threesome, including Carpenter, began to play through that is when things, “turned ugly” and a full out brawl began.  As the fight went on Carpenter claims he was on top of another man when he was stabbed in the leg with a golf shaft.  The severity of the injury was immediately noticeable as a when he stood up the blood was “spurting” and flowing from his groin area and described like a “leaky faucet”.

A 9-11 call from a man in the other group claimed, “He fell on a golf club or something,” the caller says. “He’s passed out once already. We’ve got his artery clamped with our hand.”  But Carpenter contends that the man that stabbed him first swung at his head with the club, then broke off the end before stabbing him in the leg with it.  He says his assailant was not willing to let them play through as instructed and refused to, “defuse anything”.

Carpenter worries that the blood loss will result in an amputation of his leg because there already has been extensive tissue loss.  “I’ll never be able to lift my feet up again,” Carpenter said. “I’ve run full marathons, and I’ll never be a runner again. I’ve lost the ability to properly use my leg. I’ll have to use a brace on this right leg forever.”

He does not know the name of the attacker and there are no reports if he was arrested or will be charged with anything.

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