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Crime Doesn’t Pay

Source: "Emergency Response Guidebook.&qu...

Orlando Police have asked the public to help them find the person or persons that stole $500,000 worth of medical lab equipment from a Florida hospital at the beginning of the month.  The burgerly wasn’t reported until a few days later after a truck with a trailer pulled up the building and left with the equipment.

The reason police are concerned is because the device was used is contaminated with hazardous materials that will eat away human skin.  Police think the equipment was stolen so it could be taken to a recycling center, increasing the concern of how many people could be exposed to the dangerous substances.  One of the machines looks like a copier and the others is a slide stainer.

Police are asking anyone with information or friends with skin falling off of their bodies, to call.

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Teacher in Trouble for “Cone of Shame”

A Florida teacher’s job is in jeopardy after it was found that she had put a dog collar on several of her students as a form of punishment.

The collar sometimes called the “cone of shame” is intended to prevent dogs and cats from chewing on wounds or themselves after surgery.  The teacher placed the cone on as many as eight different students after showing the Pixar movie “Up”, where a dog wearing such a cone appears.  That apparently is where the teacher got the idea.

A letter from the Pasco county Superintendent states, “…your actions show extremely poor judgment and concern me for several reasons. I am stunned that you would put dog collars on students for any reason.  I am very concerned that you used this collar to punish and embarrass students in front of their peers.”

Students defending the teacher claim that it was all a joke and are worried that the teacher will lose her job.

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Now That’s A Shipping Error

A BJ’s Wholesale Club in Westborough, Mass received the oddest of packages on Friday.

The headless torso of a dead woman.

An employee was sorting through the deliveries of the day and spotted the description of the box and knew immediately something was wrong.  She called others to come investigate and they began to open the box, but the packaging and a “gel” that contained the body prevented anyone from actually seeing the torso.

The package arrived from New Jersey, but was supposed to go to a research facility in Florida.  The proper label was put on it and was delivered to its proper destination.

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Online Gaming Brings Lovers Together

A 16 year old Florida boy, playing Call of Duty, ended up falling in love with one of his online teammates…

…A 39 year old married woman from Maryland.

The two met online playing the game War2 Glory.  The relationship took a leap when the two began to Skype each other, and then got hot and steamy physical when Lisa Carroll drove 800+ miles to Florida to meet the boy at a Southwest Florida hotel.

The boys parents found out about the relationship but after it was too late.  Not only had the two consummated the relationship (at least twice), they told investigators they had decided to get engaged.

Carroll was arrested at her apartment in Maryland where they learned she was married, and her husband found out she was being arrested for sexing up a teenage boy in Florida.

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One Great Moment in Hooker History

…and, it happened in Florida.

A undercover vice cop was doing his part to find and arrest hookers last Friday night when he happened upon a 47 year old suspect.  According to reports he ““asked if she wanted a ride and engaged in a conversation about sex,” after she got in the car.

The cop, again as mentioned in the p0lice report, told the woman he was looking “to fuck” and asked if she could help him with that request.  The woman reportedly replied that they could, “could go have sexual intercourse if I bought her two double cheese burgers off the dollar menu at McDonald’s.”  So the officer did just that, buying two cheeseburgers for $2.75.  The cop then offered to provide a tip on top of the burger purchase, gave the woman $60 and she instructed him to meet her in a nearby park to “complete the deal”.

Christine Baker was arrested before that could happen, and it is not mentioned if she was able to eat her food first.

via The Smoking Gun

Where’s Benny?

It has been quite a while, months in fact, that friends and family have been looking for 78 year old Benny Scott.

His wife, Barbara, told people he’d gone to Oklahoma to visit relatives and then other stories.  But the one she wasn’t telling was that his remains were fertilizing her herb garden.

Yup, buried three feet underneath banana peppers, oregano, and basil was Benny who she claims to have found dead back in January after returning home one day.  Claiming that she suffered from impaired judgement due to medications she was taking at the time she decided to bury her husband then and there.  Neighbors tell that Benny suffered from a heart condition and Barbara is sure he died from natural causes.  An autopsy will reveal the cause of death, but for a while people have been wondering of his whereabouts.

The Oklahoma trip story held up because friends suspected that Benny didn’t like living in their current home, which also was across the street from Barbara’s daughter.  But when Benny family began to call from OK and were told that he couldn’t talk due to a throat aliment, they began to worry.  They called police.

Barbara has been charged with improper burial, but future charges could come after the autopsy.

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Best Drug-Test Fail. Ever.

And it happened in Florida…

20-year-old Mishelle Salzgeber of Dade City

  1. is one sly trickster (or so she thought)
  2. needs better friends for urine samples
  3. should know her ‘special purpose’ was not intended for smuggling.

Salzgerber was arrested for a probation violations and was being booked into jail on Monday when a X-ray scan showed something hidden in her vagina.  What police first thought was a pill bottle, turned out to be a small travel sized vodka bottle that Salzgerber removed for police during a strip search. (peet: who’s the poor soul that has to witness that?)

The bottle was empty, but Salzgerber’s explanation was that it had contained urine of a friend that she used in an attempt to pass a drug test with her probation officer.  The only problem is that the urine from the bottle ended up also testing positive for drugs, which is what lead to her arrest and the public distribution of her innards with a vodka bottle shoved up her junk.

winner.

via WTSP

The Family That Makes Meth Together

Yes, it Happened In Florida.

In Dixie County, Fl (no less) police arrested Allen J. Brannin, 54; his daughter, Amy M. Brannin, 34; her son, Austin J. Brannin, 18; and Tyler W. Cannon, 18, who is closely related to the Brannins all for manufacture of methamphetamine.

“This is the first time that I know of that we’ve arrested three generations all at once like this,” said Maj. Scott Harden of the Dixie County Sheriff’s Office.

A search warrant was being served at the home when the lab was found and all the family members were arrested.

 

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Not a Zombie, But He Ate Brains

Tyree Lincoln Smith is a guy with a few mental issues, kinda looks like Ricky Williams and now faces charges of killing a man and eating parts of him.

It was back in December when Smith completely lost his marbles and stormed from a cousin’s home in Connecticut claiming that he had “to get blood on his hands” and rambling about the Greek god Athena.

Mission accomplished, Smith came home the next day with blood on his clothes and hands.  He told his cousin that he went to an abandoned building where he fell asleep and was awoken by a hispanic man who asked him to come up to a higher floor in the building.  Smith told her he began to beat the man with an axe shortly after and that the blows to the head were so bad that he smashed the skull and pieces of brain and bone could be picked up and he was able to remove an eye.

Smith the claims he went to a cemetery where he ate the eyeball and brain matter (the eye tasted like an “oyster”).

The body of Angel Gonzalaes was found, decomposed, in the building with the crushed skull and missing parts on January 20th.

Smith had recently taken a bus to Florida and police had been contacted by Smith’s mother who was worried about what her son had done, and Smith was arrested this week in Lynn Haven, FL.  They were able to contact him first by cell phone, discussed the case with them without admitting to anything to police.  But he had confessed to his mother.

He is now in the custody of US Marshals.

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Teen Calls 911 Over Mom’s Sex Sounds

The Smoking Gun has posted the story of a Florida teenager calling 911 because she could hear her mother’s love making in the next room .

The teen asked police to put her in a Christian children’s center after calling police at 4am.  The 15 yr old called police because she felt that her mom’s actions were disrespectful to her and she wanted no part of listening to her mother’s lusty moans and whatever other unfortunate sounds.  The mother admits to having her boyfriend over, having sex in her room that happens to be next to the daughter’s and wasn’t aware that she could hear them.

The mother/daughter got into a verbal altercation, but the daughter admitted that there wasn’t any abuse or neglect.  The event ended when the daughter decided she didn’t want to leave after all because it was too close to time for her to go to school.