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Of Course, It Happened In Florida (nsfw)

Carlos Romero is 31, lives in Marion County, FL and admits that he really, really, really likes a miniature donkey.  In fact, he was arrested for having some sort of sexual contact with the donkey and is critical of the state for its “frown on zoophilia”.

*warning* the contents of this story are graphic and disturbing, even for Florida.  Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

 

 

 

Romero was arrested after he was spotted by a witness, who was delivering a horse to the same barn, with his shirt off and pants down standing behind a miniature donkey in a room that Romero rents.  All of the lights in the barn were off except this room and the witness said it appeared Romero was having sex with the donkey and when he saw the witness he backed away.  The incident happened back in August, and for unknown reasons the police didn’t talk to Romero until last Friday, but when they did, he had many very concerning confessions.

He claims that he “likes the way the fur feels on his testicles,” and that he became aroused” by seeing the animal in heat.  He also admitted that he “uses his fingers and saliva to clean the donkey’s clitoris and check for wood shavings and debris”, and that he, “may have come in contact with the donkey’s vagina by accident and his semen may have splattered inside the donkey by accident.”  For good measure he admitted to masturbated with the donkey 5-6 times.

Romero told police that he thought the state was very backwards in its thinking about zoophilia, but ironically it was only recently that Florida finally in acted a law outlawing sexual contact with animals.

He is in jail on a $2000 bond.

via The SmokingGun

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The Menage a Trois & the SWAT Team

David Rice and his wife, Mindi, both 29, enjoy a healthy sex life that includes having other people join in on their fun – just as long as one isn’t enjoying the fun without the other because that results in gun fire and the SWAT team.

The Rice’s were having a menage a trios with a 24 year old girl at their Florida home last week.  Included along with the sex was an evening of injecting each other with prescription drugs and booze.  The party went deep into the night until the threesome finally fell asleep.  But a few hours later Mindi awoke to find David back at the sex again, alone, with the female guest.  This put Mrs Rice into a frenzy and she grabbed a loaded gun and threatened to kill the guest and even fired a round into the ceiling.  David grabbed the gun away , grabbed Mindi by the throat, threatened to kill her and then fired the gun to the side of her head with the bullet striking the wall behind her.

Mrs Rice managed to escape and call the police and when they arrived David would not surrender and had to be tased.  Somehow he was able to get back into the house and barricade himself inside and a standoff ensued, complete with the SWAT unit.  He eventually gave himself up to a negotiator and was charged with obstructing officers, burglary, grand theft and possession of oxycodone.

Mrs Rice was being held on bond, but has a previous sentence of felony probation for credit card fraud.  That stemmed from stealing a credit card so that she could bail Mr Rice from jail.

 

Oh, Florida… Now B-Hole Tattoos? (nsfw)

The New Times alternative weekly in the Tampa, St Pete area did some reporting of the 17th-annual South Florida Tattoo Expo was held at the Marriott Hotel, Golf Club & Convention Center at Heron Bay in Coral Springs over the weekend.  The highlight is the video seen below (pretty much nsfw) where an obviously disturbed, intoxicated and ridiculous girl gets a tattoo around her … uh… where she makes dirty.

Ok, her butthole.  You glad now I said?

I have to wonder why the tattoo artist would do it, out in the open like that, and the event organizers would let her, because she appears pretty messed up in this video.   But she does seem to be enjoying herself, and really if someone wants a boyfriend’s name tatted around her soft serve machine, who’s to stop her?

Oh, and proceeds went to charity.

Maybe butt hole tattoos are “the next big thing”.

(the nsfw is more for language, as her food exit is mostly blurred out when she is happily showing it to the crowd)

It Happened In Florida

Clay Charles Hickenbotam was arrested after attempting to enter his ex-girlfriend’s home in Defuniak Springs, FL.  Knowing there was another man inside the home he began threatening people inside, broke a light on the porch and was being a general knucklehead.

But when he couldn’t get inside the home, Hickenbotam made an odd decision.  He put a venomous water moccasin in the truck belonging to the man inside the house.

Police were called and he was arrested with misdemeanor assault and felony throwing a deadly missile (?!?) into a vehicle, criminal mischief and trespassing.

 

via NFWDailyNews.com

A Most Bizarre Moment in Self Gratification

…and it Happened in Florida.

Robert Casey has an extreme fetish, and an obvious need to satisfy it no matter where he is.

Casey was arrested last week after a tow truck driver spotted him in his Jeep Cherokee naked and masturbating.  But that alone doesn’t tell the story.

The tow truck driver called Casey into police, describing him as, “”buck naked white male” who was “beating off” while driving”.   When police eventually caught him on Interstate 95, he was taken into custody where he was found to be in an odd state.  A toy gun was tied to the upper part of his leg with part of it inserted his rectum.  Another part of the device was bound to his genitals.  When asked about it, he told police that he “has problems with this and is getting therapy”.

Casey is charged with lewd and lascivious behavior.

 

The Olive Oil. The Sex. The Fight.

Say hello to Barbara Hall.  She is 60 and very much the cougar with her 45 year old beau.

Well, he was her beau.  Now they are ex-lovers torn apart by a sexual encounter that involved olive oil and a misunderstanding.

Hall and her boyfriend were in the throws of love making when she asked him to go to the kitchen to retrieve the olive oil to be used as a “sexual lubricant”.  As he returned she reportedly then asked him if he had also, “brought the Pam”.  She meant the cooking spray, he thought she was referring to a girl he knows named Pam and had a sexual past.  He then reminded her, in a very ‘Ross&Rachel’ way, that he only had had sex with Pam while they “were on a break”, and that was all it took for a fight to break out between the two.

Hall began by throwing a drink at him, then hitting him.  He punched her in the ribs and she threw the olive oil bottle at his head.

Hall was arrested on domestic battery charges, and yes, It Happened In Florida.

Who Knew Fishing Was So Dangerous?

In South Florida over the long weekend Jack Wiseman participated in a fishing tournament.  Wiseman is a wounded war vet with a prosthetic arm after losing his real arm while on duty.

During the expedition Wiseman hooked a fish, but the fish fought back with enough force that Wiseman’s prosthetic arm popped off, fell into the water along with his rod and reel all attached to the escaping fish and disappeared under the surface.

But Wiseman was fortunate that the exact same fish was later caught by another fisherman, with his fake arm still attached to it, and had it returned to him.

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BREAKING NEWS: It Happened in Florida

We break into this Memorial Day weekend to bring you this shocking news from, yes, Florida.

Saturday afternoon police shot and killed a naked man who was found chewing off the face of another man along side a Miami causeway.  The naked man was spotted attacking the other man by a passerby and a highway ranger.  The first officer approached the scene, ordered the attacker to back off and shot the man when he failed to stop eating on the other man’s face and head.  The assailant continued eating and attacking his victim even after being shot once, forcing the officer to shoot the man several more times.

The victim is in critical condition in the hospital, and while police are not sure why the attack occurred, they theorized that the victim is a homeless man that was sleeping when attacked.  The Miami Herald reports the assailant is thought to have been in a possible “cocaine psychosis”, a drug-induced craze that bakes the body internally and often leads the affected to strip naked to try and cool off.

Now back to your long weekend….

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‘I told you I had to go, you stupid cop’

19 year old Dylan DiFalco has a pretty good story to tell all of his future legit and illegitimate children.

He pee’d in a cop car.  Arrested in a Naples bar (yes, It Happened in Florida) for tripping a bus boy who was chasing a friend of DiFalco’s for failing to pay a bar tab, he was placed in the patrol car and warned the cop he needed to go tot he bathroom.  “Hold it like an adult” was what the teen was told, but he was unable and ended up peeing all over himself and the backseat of the car.

DiFalco’s explanation?  ‘I told you I had to go, you stupid cop.’

The busboy was unharmed, but DiFalco was arrested and charged with misdemeanor battery and released on $2000 bond.  He wasn’t charged for pee’ing in the car.

It Happened In Florida

Road rage is a pretty common occurrence these days, and with every idiot spending more time looking at their phone than the road, rage is pretty understandable.

But in Florida, Douglas Edward Hasselman took it to a new, different level when he got into an altercation with a 54 year old woman who’d bumped into his Chevy Malibu in an intersection.  She pulled over and Hassleman got out and confronted her, and by confronting, I mean beating her.  First with his fists, but then grabbing her 16oz bottle of TrueMoo Chocolate Milk and hitting about the head and face with with it.  As she pulled away, Hassleman leaned into the car’s window to continue the beating before leaving the scene.

But then oddly, while paramedics were on the scene treating the woman, Hassleman returned, got out of his car and began to yell obscenities at the woman.  Police arrived and arrested him after he gave himself away by telling police he’d never hit her with a bottle, despite the fact that no one had yet accused him of using a bottle.

 

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