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Two Words: Puppy Throwing

Its not quite “Cat Juggling”, but a woman was arrested Friday for throwing puppies in her part of a domestic dispute case in Minnesota.

The couple, Gabrielle Tywon Allen and David Peter Remme were seated in their pickup truck when an argument started.  At some point the man reached over and punched the woman, breaking her nose.  He got out and then the woman picked up each of the three week old pit bull puppies and threw them at the man out the window.  The puppies were unharmed which means her charges of animal cruelty will not be of the felony level.  But both the man and woman are in jail.

One report comments that it was a year to the day that another woman was arrested for throwing a puppy at her boyfriend.  In March, 2011 Holly Boyd was arrested in the same area for throwing a Chihuahua pup after finding out he was cheating on her.

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Meet Ms DipShit

I understand that jury duty, for many, is an unwanted waste of time.

<yoda> But “civic duty”, it is, for you </yoda>

Denver’s Susan Cole wanted out of her jury duty so badly she put on quite a show for the judge and was successful for getting out the assignment straightway.  And that would have been the end of it, but Susan decided she needed to call into a local radio show and brag about her accomplishment.

Cole showed up for jury duty in a get up that included by her own description, “I put black eyebrows on, red lipstick on, left my hair in curlers and wore a tee shirt that read ‘Ask Me About My Best Seller,’ I put my lipstick on like someone who really didn’t know how to put lipstick on.”  She also says that she told prosecutors that she suffered from post-tramatic stress from her time in the military, had been homeless and was the victim of domestic violence.  She was dismissed from the case on the spot.

Juror number 4361 can now wear her reindeer socks and crazy makeup to another court hearing as she’s been charged with perjury and attempting to influence a public servant (both Class 4 felonies).  Police became aware of Cole after she called the Dave Logan Show and bragged about the event during a segment about jury duty.  The judge she’d fooled was listening to that show and an investigation to find her began.

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The Power of Love … and Biting

Thomas Blaylock is in love.  True love.  He wants his wife back even though she bit off a part of his face.

This week Thomas requested a judge to terminate a “no contact order” that was placed on the pair after an altercating between the couple that ended with Thomas losing a chunk of his lower lip.  The couple got into a fight about their marriage last week, and the police report claims that the wife, Ameryst, first punched Thomas in the face and then jumped on top of him.  While mounted, she told him, “If you don’t want me I will make sure no one wants you” and proceeded to gobble down on his face pulling off a significant section of his lower lip.

The lip was damaged badly enough doctors were unable to reattach the separated piece and Thomas appeared in court with a bandage over his lower lip.

The couple claim to want to begin marriage counseling sessions and Thomas not only is not worried for his safety, but needed the order lift so they could attend the sessions together.  The judge changed it to a “no negative contact” order which means that if while together things get heated, she is responsible for leaving before eating another portion of her husband’s face off.  (peet: or something to that effect)

 

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It Happened In Florida

Joseph Bray either just got off easy, or a judge as doomed him to a night of awful awfulness.

Bray has been ordered by Judge John “Jay” Hurley to do the following:

“He’s going to stop by somewhere and he’s going to get some flowers.  And then he’s going to go home, pick up his wife, get dressed, take her to Red Lobster. And then after they have Red Lobster, they’re going to go bowling.”

Yes, you read that right.

This is the sentence for the Plantation, FL man after he was charged with domestic violence after pushing his wife onto a couch, grabbing her throat and threatening to hit hit.  The entire incident was started when the wife confronted Bray for failing to remember her birthday.

But the Judge, convinced that the incident was minor, and that the wife admitted she was never scared for her well-being, decided this punishment was a better way to resolve the issue.  Hurley also sentenced them to marriage counseling.

(peet: clearly the Red Lobster portion of the sentence is the “deterrent” here)

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What to do When Whole Wife Won’t Fit in Fireplace

Donald K Greenslit (yes, that is an actual last name) has been accused of not only starting a fire that ended up sending two kids to the hospital, but a fire that was intended to dispose of the the chopped body parts of his wife, their mommy.

A fire at Greenslit’s (snicker) home started in the basement.  Fire crews were able to bring the fire under control and save the two children, but investigators quickly began to ask questions when parts of what looked to be human remains wrapped in cloth were found on the scene.

Greenslit confessed to stabbing his common-law wife and trying to get rid of the evidence by cutting up her body into parts small enough to fit into a fireplace.

Neighbors report that the couple could regularly be heard fighting and that she had previously gone to nearby homes asking for cops to be called after she’d been abused.  Greenslit has a record of domestic abuse and actually was on probation.  One neighbor claims he had stopped by and asked for a shovel to borrow.

Suspect asked neighbor to borrow shovel: foxprovidence.com

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It Happened In Florida

Patricia Siciliano, 41, has been arrested on domestic battery, child abuse, resisting arrest and three counts of batter on a law officer after she and her family attended…

wait for it….

a…

…Blue Oyster Cult concert.

You can guess where this is going.

Yes, a fight started between the woman and her teenage son when he became scare of her drunk driving with him and the father in the truck reaching speeds of 110mph.  After they pulled over the kid took the keys and gave them to the dad.  Now, with the drunk dad driving, Patricia, now drunk and pissed off, began hitting the kid and the father and this continued until the truck ran out of gas.

The kid called the cops, she was arrested and preceded to kick the windows of the patrol car and spit on the officers.

And, it happened in Florida.

via the Orlando Sentinel

The Essential Blue Öyster Cult

Image via Wikipedia

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