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Why You Do Not Mail Yourself

A Chinese man probably now thinks the idea of mailing himself to his girlfriend wasn’t the best idea after all.

Hu Seng, from southern China, placed himself in a large sized box, had it sealed shut and placed in the mail system to be delivered to his girlfriend where family and friends would be awaiting its arrival.  The problem is that the box got lost in the mail for about three hours longer than expected.

When the box finally arrived, the girlfriend opened the box only to find Seng passed out inside.  Paramedics were called and had to revive Seng who really didn’t understand exactly what he’d gotten himself into.  “I didn’t realise it would take so long,” said Seng. “I tried to make a hole in the cardboard but it was too thick and I didn’t want to spoil the surprise by shouting.”

 

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China Needs Sex Toy 101

18 police officers, firefighters, rescue crews and over 1,000 spectators crowded a local river in the Chinese province of Shandong when the call was put out there was a drowning woman in the river.

For 40 minutes rescuers attempted and struggled to bring the body ashore, with the water being turbulent and the crowd was getting panicky.  Finally after all that time what was thought to be a person in unknown condition, turned out to be a deflated, life sized sex doll.  The crowd that had gathered to watch the rescue reportedly “cover their children’s eyes and just walked away” after realizing it wasn’t a person at all.

And apparently China is big on misidentifying discarded sex toys as last month when villagers found a mushroom/fungus shaped object that had been unearthed when drilling for a nearby well had begun.  The residents not knowing what specicis of mushroom it was took it to a local TV station to see if they could help find someone identify the plant. But when the Sunday morning show aired the segment showing off the mystery ‘shroom – described by one villagers as, “This looks like a type of fungus with mushroom heads on both ends. On this side, you can see what look like a pair of lips and on the other side it has a small hole that goes through to the other end” – it turns out it wasn’t a plant, mushroom or living object at all.  It was, duh, a discarded masturbation toy.

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Death By – Poisoned Cat Meat

Long Liyuan

Alternate Title: “Who Knew You Had to Poison Cat Meat to Make it Deadly to Eat?”

The Chinese news is on fire with the news that a Chinese billionaire has died after reportedly being poisoned by a business rival over a dinner of stewed cat meat.

Long Liyuan, 49, was having a business dinner with local official Huang Guang and a third man who all ate differing amounts of the slow-boiled cat meat stew, which – apparently – is a southern Chinese delicacy (oh lord, really? slow boiled?)

The Long and Guang were meeting over a contract when Long became dizzy and sick and was taken to a hospital where he went into cardiac arrest and died.  After initially thinking it was a simple case of the restaurant offering up unsanitary food further investigation revealed that the cat meat had been laced with the herb Gelsemium elegans, which is a poisonous plant from forests in China.

While all three men ate the same meal, Long reportedly ate more than the others.  One guy because he didn’t like the taste of the stew because it was more bitter than it should be, and the other, Guang, because he was trying to kill someone with it.

 

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You Know Your Country Is Overpopulated When…

The country of China is in full outrage as a video of a small girl shows she was run over, not once, but twice in the southern part of the country.

Video shows two year old Wang Yue in the street when a white van runs her over, the driver get out with her underneath and then drives off while the back tires roll over her.  Pedestrians and bystanders do nothing, walk past and provide no assistance even when a second truck drives over the toddler without slowing down.

Its not for 10 minutes before someone stops and helps the girl, pulling her off the road.  Wang is in the hospital in critical condition.

 

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