Best. Defense Lawyer. Ever.

Charles Hersel was arrested in 2009 at a Thousand Oaks mall after high school students claimed Hersel paid them to spit in his face, slap him and yell profanities at him.

There were also claims he offered the teens even more money to urinate and poop on him.  He was charged with four counts of “annoying and molesting a child”.  Hersel reportedly paid dozen of teens to do those things to him, although there is no confirmation has to how many times it actually occurred or to what extent.

Last week a jury found Hersel not guilty despite the fact Hersel admitted to the requests.  The judge’s reason was based around Hersel’s defense that his requests were not sexual in nature.  Asking for this type of abuse his lawyer claimed was not for sexual gratification.  Somehow the jury believe him.

Hersel was facing a year in jail and would have had to register as a sex offender.


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Death By Garbage Chute

A 16 year old mentally disabled Chicago teen died late Monday after he fell 46 stories through his building’s garbage chute.

Charlie Manley was doing chores and somehow fell into the chute and his body was found face down in the basement trash compactor.  Charlie was autistic and had Down syndrome and died from multiple injuries suffered in the fall

The boy had an older brother and sister and his father was formally on the International Board of Directors of Special Olympics.   Charlie was described by neighbors as a building favorite and as nice a kid as you’ll find.  Some wonder how he could have fit into the chute due to the way it opened and its size.  His death was ruled an accident.

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I Don’t Even Know How to Title This One

Ian Summers, 30, decided that he wanted to bring a prostitute into a Orange County, FL home, but knew that he first had to address the issue of his overly aggressive pit bull.

The pit, perfectly named “Fiesty”, had bitten several people recently, although “attacked” is probably a more accurate description.  One included a 2 year old nephew that lost a hunk of flesh from under his arm after meeting Fiesty.

Summers himself admits he is terrified of the animal, but when he brought the prostitute, Robin Johnson (yes, that is her mugshot to a previous arrest below) to a home on Feb 10th, Summers thought it was a good idea to get the two properly acquainted first so that Fiesty wouldn’t be aggressive, but he claims that upon opening the door to the room the dog saw Johnson and attacked her.

Summers then inexplicably simply closed the door to the room and left the house, leaving Johnson to be mauled by the dog.  She ended up having her left leg amputated below the knee and the left arm surgically removed below the elbow.  “When he attacked I did not want to be anywhere near that dog, he scares the death out of me,” Summers reportedly told deputies, “so I left and closed the door.”

It turns out that the home that Summers took Johnson reportedly for sex and some crack smoking wasn’t even his house.  He was a previous tenet that had moved out after a November drug raid.

While Johnson is in a coma, minus two limbs, Summers is in jail facing charges of second-degree felony charge of burglary of an occupied dwelling, as well as culpable negligence.

via Sun Sentinel, Daily Mail

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Wheelchairs Make for Shitty Get Aways

John Christopher Champion, 22, had been acting suspicious to the employee of a Chevron station in Chiefland, FL.  For several hours he had been riding his motorized wheelchair in and out of the store.  Wearing a Gators hat and sweatshirt, Champion was sizing up the store and the clerk for a heist.

Just after 10pm Champion rolled up the counter, brandished a knife and demanded the 54 year old woman hand over the cash.  She fought back, actually stabbing him in the leg three times before he was able to get away with a 12 pack of beer and a roll of electrical tape (?!?).

The police were called and found Champion in short order, stuck in the sand behind the store.  His wheelchair sank into the sand as he tried to get away.  When they found him he was drinking one of the beers and insisted that while he did steal the beer and tape, he didn’t rob it.  He also was under the impression that cops would not arrest a handicapped person in a wheelchair, but obviously that isn’t the case.

Champion was arrested and charged with robbery and aggravated battery.

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Couch Surfing is an Embarrassing Way To Die

Saturday night in Canada a 22 year old man died couch surfing.

Yes, you read that right.

While mounted on a sofa, being pulled by a van the man was critically injured after being thrown when the van lost control and rammed into an oncoming car.  Two others were not injured.



Credit For Trying

A man in Indianapolis used the most forward of all advances to ask a female neighbor for some personal interaction.

The woman claims this wasn’t the first time the male neighbor had approached her, but this time it was more aggressive… and obvious.

Friday afternoon the woman called police after the man approached her as she opened her apartment door.  He was naked, first asked for sex, then began touching himself and then asked for sex again – this time even offering to pay for it.  She repeated refused, told him to go away and slammed the door shut.  The naked, masturbating man then pounded on the door demanding and begging her to have sex with him.

By the time police arrived the man had left, wasn’t in his apartment and police asked if the complex would evict the man.


The Family That Makes Meth Together

Yes, it Happened In Florida.

In Dixie County, Fl (no less) police arrested Allen J. Brannin, 54; his daughter, Amy M. Brannin, 34; her son, Austin J. Brannin, 18; and Tyler W. Cannon, 18, who is closely related to the Brannins all for manufacture of methamphetamine.

“This is the first time that I know of that we’ve arrested three generations all at once like this,” said Maj. Scott Harden of the Dixie County Sheriff’s Office.

A search warrant was being served at the home when the lab was found and all the family members were arrested.


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Animal Rights Group Endangers Drone

…Drones have feelings too…

An animal rights group in South Carolina claim that a helicopter drone they were using to film and expose a pigeon shoot was itself shot down by the hunters.

SHARK (SHowing Animals Respect and Kindness), was working to shoot the video when police and an attorney tried to stop them.  But when it was obvious that what they were attempting to do didn’t break any laws the pigeon shoot and its participants packed up to leave.

The group decided to launch their drone anyway, probably just to show off, and once it was airborne, BLAM, shots rang out from the tree line and the drone was hit.

“As an act of revenge for us shutting down the pigeon slaughter, they had shot down our copter,” said group leader Steve Hindi.

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Angry Birds Go To Space

Rovio has announced the next Angry Birds game will take them into space – hence the title, “Angry Birds Space”.

The website says that the new game is, ” “a completely new with innovative new gameplay, but with some of the familiar Angry Birds elements that fans already know and love – plus some surprises.”

There is a sneak preview video that shows none of that, but does show the now ever-present Angry Bird eyes that have become the modern day equivalent to Mickey Mouse’s ears.

Prepare to lose your family and friends.

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Mass Effect 3’s Trailer Might Burst Your Eyeball

If you were watching Walking Dead on Sunday night, you were treated to the new, full trailer for Mass Effect 3.

Certainly people unfamiliar with the game probably thought it was another Michael Bay action movie.  And it also probably took people a while into the trailer to realize it was all CGI and nary a real human or thing was actually in it.  The up close shot on the little girl’s eye is pretty mind bendingly real.

oh yeah, the game hits in March, but you can play a co-op demo now.

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