Worst Kind of Hooker, Your Daughter

A dude in Zimbawbe was having problems at home, he would have divorced his wife years ago if it wasn’t for the kids.

So, he stole away to a local motel and ordered up a nice young lady for some sexy time.

But when the 20 year old girl appeared in his room he got the double shock of his life.  It was his daughter.

He ran from the room, really fast… cartoon running in place kinda fast.

He has apologized, forgiven his daughter for being a hooker and is seeing a marriage councilor.  Said the man, who’s name is so long and crazy, I am too lazy to spell it out:

“I don’t blame my daughter for what happened and what she was doing. I feel it was her way of expressing her feelings about the problems in my family,” he said.

“She has stopped that and is going back to school next year. My marital problems are not over, but we have a marriage counsellor who is helping us to get over this most difficult period in our marriage.”

via Zimbabwe times

Poop Tattoo is Old News

**Update** just minutes after posting this, I was tweeted this story by “GuysGirl.com” … Turns out this is an old story and the one below is a fake, just like I thought it was, but didn’t trust my instinct.  I am sorry.

****

This story has been floating around for a few days and I was pretty certain it was a fake, so I didn’t post it.  But it’s circulating enough now that I suppose its real and, if so, really funny.  So here it is.

In Ohio, Ryan Fitzjerald is being sued for $100,000 by an ex-girlfriend, Rossie Brovent for a tattoo he put on her back.

See, Ryan found out that Rossie had been cheating on him, got her to come to his tattoo shop, plied her with vodka, talked her into a full back tattoo and even got her to sign off on the paperwork… She was expecting a beautiful landscape of Narnia…

The resulting tattoo as you can see is not what Rossie was expecting, its a poorly done giant Dairy Queen soft serve style pile of poo, complete with flies coming off of it.

She tried to have him arrested for assault, but because she’s signed the paperwork that allows for “artistic discretion”, there was nothing the cops could do.  (*snicker, i typed doooooo)

So she is trying her hand in civil court.  Good luck.

 

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Dude Wins $1 Million Lottery – AGAIN

Delma Kinney, 50, of Atlanta has won the instant “Super Millions” game for a million dollars.

He won another similar game back in 2008 for a million dollars and put some of that money into savings for his kids college fund.  He will donate a portion of his new winnings to charity.

His purchase came at a food mart when he purchased cough medicine, sat in his car and scratched off the number and he knew.  The odds of winning once is over five million to one, but there isn’t an exact calculation on winning two different games for the same amount at different times.

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Secret Video of Mom-in-Law Going #2

Jason Good of Virginia is in a bit of trouble with the law, and his wife.

While looking through his cell phone over the weekend, the wife found a video of a woman sitting on the toilet.  She then realized, to her horror, it was her 57 year old mother.

Good had taken the video through a hole in the wall to their bathroom while the mother was in town for Thanksgiving.

Good was charged with a misdemeanor of filming an undressed person.

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The Thanksgiving, Hooker, Child Kidnapping Story

Carlos Rivera of Cresent City, FL has been arrested on charges of kidnapping, child abuse and, oh, he’s here in the US illegally.

Rivera attended a Thanksgiving party and met Leah Wiley and her one-year old daughter, Lupita Gonzalez.  The two adults made an agreement for sex in exchange for money, went to a bedroom (what a great party!) but things went wrong when Wiley was called out of the room and left.  Pissed he was left with less money and more boner he did the only logical thing – he took the baby

…that had been in the same room

..while they were getting it on

Rivera took Lupita from the house walked down a nearby highway and realized that he would get in trouble so he dumped the kid in a field, and hitched a ride into town.

Hysteria and confusion ensued as a search was started by Wiley not reporting the missing kid because she didn’t want her boyfriend to know that she’d prostituted herself, and, oh btw, lost their baby in the process.  Wiley was also changed with child neglect.

It Happened in Florida.

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Breakup via Vehicular Homicide

30 year old Keisha Jones has been arrested for killing her boo with her car.

She and Tyrone Taylor were riding in his 2002 Acura and got into an argument at 2am (“nothing good ever happens after midnight” – my dad) when Taylor stopped the car and got out.  As he walked away, Jones then slid over into the drivers seat, put the car into gear and hit Taylor with car – pinning him against a wall.

He was dead at the scene.

And the couple was officially broken up.

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Cyber Monday. Be Not Afraid

Here are a few of the better deals I found from different sites that have aggregated the best deals… There are about 1245x more than this.. So do a search, and your research and get yourself a bargain…  If you know of a good deal, please post in the comments section below… help a brutha out

 

 

 

Good deal on a gaming quality laptop, plus the bonus $100 off coupon!!  Very good deal.  11.6″ Alienware M11x 1.33GHz ULV Core 2 Duo Gaming Laptop w/8GB RAM, 500GB HDD & 1GB GeForce GT 335M for $599 with free shipping (normally $799 – use coupon code D95K0RNX$0XF10). Extra $100 Coupon Code on Alienware M11x, M14x, M17x and M18x Laptops (use coupon code D95K0RNX$0XF10).

A nice every day laptop for basic web surfing, word doc and standard computing for a student or home office… 15.6″ Lenovo G570 43347XU Celeron B800, 4GB RAM, 500GB HDD for $399 with free shipping (normally $549 – use coupon code DOORBUSTERBF1).

iPad as a old skool video game console… I want one.  iCade iPad Arcade Cabinet for $50 with free shipping (normally $100).

Really good TV for a really good price…  Panasonic VIERA TC-P50GT30 50-Inch 1080p 3D Plasma HDTV

Good starter kit … Xbox 360 250GB Holiday Bundle with Fable III, Halo: Reach, 3 Month Xbox LIVE Gold Subscription for $199 with free shipping (normally $300).

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Muppet Movie is Great, And…

If you didn’t go see the Muppet Movie over the weekend… Go!

Kids in tow or not, it is a great use of your movie going time and for anyone who even kinda liked the Muppet Show it is a blast.  Self deprecating, funny, singsongy, and just a flat out good time.  Even grumpy old Dave White loved it, really.

But get there early for the very special short just before the movie.  Pixar has placed a 6-7 Toy Story mini movie with all the characters and a story that is pretty much better than 99% of anything else you’re going to see on the big screen.  Sure, it’s the same ol’ “missing toy in danger” line, but the misfit characters that you are introduced to when Buzz is accidentally left behind at a fast food joint kiddie play ground will have you in stitches… I’m sure I missed all kinds of funny stuff because I was laughing so hard.

So, go.  Double up on the movie fun.  Don’t be late and miss the Toy Story short, plus that is rude to the rest of audience, and please, no texting during the movie.  Seriously, you selfish bastard.

 

Please No Child Porn During the Flight (updated)

**Update**  Grant Smith is a professor at the University of Utah, of material science and engineering.  He claims his innocence, but further details claim that a passenger witnessed him viewing child porn, and not cute little girls in skirts liking lollypop kinda stuff.  This reportedly was kids in sex acts material.  When the flight attendant asked him to close his laptop, he looked to begin to erase pics of the laptop.  When questioned, authorities seized both his laptop and cell phone with 66 remaining images… he’s a father of two and if he posts bail will have to stay out of contact with children and not use the internet for anything other than business purposes (how do you enforce that?)

 

Grant Smith, 47, was arrested after landing from a Delta flight from Salt Lake City to Boston. Why?

Cause another passenger witnessed him watching child porn on his laptop during. the. flight.

yes.  child porn while flying Delta.

Troopers arrested him after an interview and an investigation into possession of child porn, and he being held on $15,000 bail.

How do you even think you could watch kiddie porn on a laptop with people around you and no one see it?  I realize SLC to Boston is a long flight, but could you just push off your evil urges just until you got to the Holiday Inn Express?  Good grief.

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In Pakistan, Your Bitch Will Kill, Cook & Eat You

In America, you upset your woman and she might throw your crap out into the street, smash your car or call the FBI and tell them your a terrorist.

In Pakistan, she will kill you, chop you up and dump your tiny parts into a stew.

Zainab Bibi, 32, is accused of exactly that in a scheme with her nephew to kill and hide the body of her husband by putting the parts in a stew so he wouldn’t be found.

The problem was that the stench of the stew was so bad that authorities were called and she was found out.

Why did she do such a thing?  She accused her husband of wanting to give their daughter the ol’ Sandusky treatment.

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